Why can't I stick to my habits?
We hear about habits everywhere these days - there’s a science of habit building, books about it, professionals who work in it, courses on it and more… Despite all the information on habit building, so many of us still struggle to implement and stick to positive habits.
My approach to habit building is slightly different to what you might be used to hearing on the topic. If you truly want to stick to your habits, you need to first integrate the following principles…
Principles for habit building
1. You are unique
Although there is a science to habit building and many tools and techniques that can support you to build solid habits…we all respond to these techniques different. While one person may love getting notifications on their phone reminding them to workout, someone else might be entirely put off by that.
As with everything, our tendencies, personalities, strengths and weakness will dictate how we react to the tools we try implement, and that’s the same for the habit building tactics you try implement.
I suggest you start by taking this online quiz to find out which is your tendency (from the 4 Tendencies Framework by Gretchen Rubin) to find out how you respond to internal and external expectations.
In the Self-Mastery Solution (my 12-week interactive group coaching program) we go through in depth how we can use our own unique traits to learn to work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. Message me if you’d like to know more.
2. Curiosity > Culpability
This principles is essentially about leaving behind the guilt associated with “not following through” with whatever habit you’re trying to implement and instead taking a curious approach to ask ourselves: “I wonder why that didn’t work…” When we approach our habit building like this, we can start to learn from every attempt and leave frustration behind and focus instead on growth.
3. Habits building is non-linear
You might have heard that it takes 21 days, 30 days or 60 days to build a habit… I don’t buy into this theory at all. Instead I would ask…
If you’re struggling and need to rely on brute force to make yourself stick to a habit for 21 days, what makes you think come the 22nd day it will spring into something you do effortlessly and with pleasure?
Instead, I see habit building as a try and test process. It’s all about playing around with different techniques, seeing what works, what doesn’t and learning along the way. You might fall off the wagon, and that’s okay. A true habit is one that you can let go of but you always come back to. The best way to get there is to find the techniques that work with your disposition in order to build something you’re excited about following through with.
4. Adaptability is key
I believe our habits should be put in place to serve us, not the other way around. Yes there’s huge benefit in being extremely consistent about our habits (it creates the neural pathways in our brain to render the activity “automatic” - or as close to '“automatic” as it can get) however I also believe it’s possible to get way too stuck on the consistency of the habit and forget the why. When we lose sight of the “why” and focus deeply on simply “ticking off the box” we forget the key of adaptability.
One of my favourite quotes is the following:
“The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm” - Confucius
The truth is that until we learn to adapt our habits to the current situation in accordance to the “why”, we’re simply executing. We need to learn to shift and switch our habits to make sure they are still serving their purpose.